EIGHT REASONS WHY I WANT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH DR. PHIL
1. As a psychologist, Dr. Phil is a trained listener so I’d only have to tell him once to slow down.
2. Bald celebrities are hot (See also Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Jeffrey Tambor).
3. Dr. Phil would be there to help me understand why I sometimes cry after sex.
4. At 6’ 4” Dr. Phil was made for a woman to climb all over him like a kid at a jungle gym.
5. We could incorporate folksy expressions such as, “I didn’t just come in on a load of turnips.”
6. His mustache would exfoliate my skin during vigorous foreplay.
7. He’s worth 200 million dollars.
8. He has really pretty eyes.